One of the hardest things that my Master has wanted me to recognize within myself is the way I respond to humiliation play. To say it has been difficult to learn to admit that this type of play turn's me on is probably one of the most understated statements of my life.
I am blushing even now thinking of the things in which Master so artfully brings me to my knees with as He either whispers them in my ear, or gives me one of those piercing glances as He adopts that tonal quality that reminds me of His total and complete ownership. There have been times when other issues or rather other forms of play have played an important and even pivotal moments of our life together that has been just as difficult, but once they have been accepted I have found for the most part the struggle with them is over and I learn to accept them without further fighting.
But even though I can logically see where those times of being called His slut and the many other forms of consensual humiliation arises, that I will always respond with some miniscule of struggle. Master True has a few things He loves to see me do, giving over the tears He desires is one such thing. Another thing He desires is making me beg, but begging does not come as easy as those tears He craves and cherishes. After being married to Dick for as long as I had and the names I was called when we were together it amazes me that now when some of those names and terms are used that I respond as I do.
I guess it being so consensual now makes a difference, but to get to this place I am now in life has been a long arduous journey. Calling myself those things has been harder still. But, I am His slut. His pain slut, His cum slut and nothing makes me feel prouder. There is nothing in this world that can get me squirming faster than to have my Master coming up behind me as I wash the dishes or sort the laundry and He whispers in my ear, "Are you wet for Me, slut?" When He does that I feel my knees weaken, my breath catches as my heart rate speeds up.
I swallow hard and shiver slightly, I can even feel the heat rise to add vibrant coloring to my cheeks. The rush of wetness between my legs is so instant there have been times I have actually wondered if I have urinated my pants. Once He receives those tell tale signs of arousal He looks for I hear Him chuckle before reaching around me to pinch and roll my hardening nipples.
Sometimes that's all there is, just a slight taste of a tease.
He will do this throughout the day to keep me on the edge of arousal, up and down till He has built my anticipation level up so high I will beg and plead as His treasured tears flow freely over my cheeks. Other times His actions will come out of nowhere, I will once again be doing the dishes, sorting laundry or some other household chore and He will come up behind me, a small tender kiss at the base of my neck, His hands will softly slip upward under my hair, but in a flashing moment those exquisite fingers of His will tighten as He gathers my hair and He pulls my head back sharply and then forces me to turn to face Him as I go down upon my knees in front of Him.
"Open!" He will order. "Suck Me, slut!" In moments like these I have no time to think, I just obey. My mouth will open and Master will throat fuck me hard. It matters not that I might gag or that tears will be forced from my eyes, the words I will hear as His cock batters away at my mouth and throat will soon have me begging and admitting that yes, I am His slut.
One evening my Master was in a particularly sadistic mood. He had worked hard all week and finally it was His day off.
He had gotten up and we had breakfast together, spent the afternoon tenderly making love and just relaxing. Dinner had been served and we ate together and as I did the dishes Master showered. I was putting the finishing touches on cleaning the kitchen when He came in and sat down in His favorite chair.
I turned out the lights in the dinning room and was about to ask to be excused so that I could go and shower as well when Master's eyes narrowed and changed. "Pet!" He said in a sharp tone. I instantly went to my knees recognizing first the name, then the tone. This is His way of grabbing my instant attention. Used the way He did that night had long been established as His command for me to kneel and present myself as He desires. Kneeling in front of Him, knees apart and making sure my feet do not touch so that my bottom can rest against the floor, my hands open and flat, palm of one across the top of the other, and placed behind my back.
"Yes, Sir?" I quietly ask in response. "I have some instructions for you tonight. First, you will go to our room and lay out the following items on the bed; you are to get the dildo that is closest to My size, the vibrating bullet, anal plugs, lube, clamps, paddles, cuffs and collar, and My crop. Secondly, after this is done you will return here, crawling, and kneel in front of Me and tell me that My things are laid out, you will bring with you the crop and present it to Me.
That is when you will be told the next thing I wish for you to do. Now GO!" I raised and went directly to our room and laid out each item He had told me to get, when I picked up His crop and I realized I was to crawl back to Him, how was I to carry the crop? I shivered at the realization that there was only one way to carry it back to Him. I placed the shaft of the crop between my teeth, carrying it to Him as if I had a long stem rose laying lengthwise in my mouth.
I crawled back down the hall and into the living room, coming to rest in front of Him once again. Returning to my kneeling position, taking the crop from my mouth and holding it out to Him. "Master, the things You requested have been laid out and now may I present You Your crop, Sir." "Good girl." Master said softly.
"Now stand." I stood and waited. Master rose from His chair, the crop in one hand, holding it flat against His leg, raising His empty hand to toy with the collar of my blouse. "Remove the shirt pet." I unbuttoned the blouse and took it off, folding it and laying it on the coffee table.
"Lose the bra as well, and I will be right back." I reached behind my back to unfasten the bra as I watched Him leave the room and go into the kitchen. When He returned He held a simple glass of water. "Drink." I took the glass from His hand and took a sip from the glass and was going to hand it back to Him. "Drink it all, pet." "But, I am not thirty Sir." I winced even before I felt the crop smack against my left breast.
I knew I had just made a mistake. I wasn't asked if I was thirsty, I was told to drink. I brought the glass back up to my lips and I took several gulps of water. I was about to take the glass away from my mouth when I felt the crop strike the right breast. "Drink till it's gone pet." I lifted it back to my lips and tried to drink the large amount but some of it started to dribble just slightly as He used the crop to strike my breasts, one to the other with each swallow I managed.
"Well, I see you lost some of it, pet, for that you will now remove your slacks as I continue to smack these lovely tits of yours.
The longer you take to get them off the more strikes of My crop you will feel." It doesn't sound like a big deal, but when you are trying to unbutton and unzip and slide pants off while someone is striking away at your breasts, it isn't as easy as you might think. I felt the crop hit it's mark to each breast at least six times each before I had the slacks off, folded and placed with the blouse on the coffee table. I stood in front of my Master, naked except for the French cut panties I wore, and with small red welts raising on each of my breasts.
My nipples were so hard they ached. Not once had the crop struck them, not once had He touched them, or rolled them between His fingers or pinched and stretched them till I cry out.
He had deliberately made sure He had not touched them, creating a great aching need. I watched as He moved away from me, He picked up my folded clothing and moved them to the arm of the sofa, and then He removed the glass sections of the coffee table. Making it hollow on top at each end with the wooden section separating them in the middle. Holding out His hand to take mine, He helped me to step into one side of the hollowed table.
He guided me down till my mid section laid against the cool hard wood and my breast dangled downward through the second opening the glass had left. I stayed there while He left the room and returned carrying several sections of rope and my four cuffs and collar.
He didn't speak a word as He placed my collar around my neck and fastened each cuff to my ankles and wrists. He then took the sections of rope and tied each wrist and foot by running the rope through each D-ring and tying them to the four posts of the coffee table.
With the last small section of rope He ran it through the D-ring of the collar and tied it to the top edge of the table, securely fastening me so that I couldn't turn my head in either direction. "Pet, I have decided to do things a little differently than I originally planned for this evening. Now I am going to leave the room for a minute to get the things I had you to lay out and also get a few more things and I will be right back." He chuckled as he added, "Now don't go anywhere!" "Go anywhere?" I thought to myself, I am tied five different ways to this table, where was I going to go?
Even if I wanted to…which of course, I didn't. He was away only a few minutes, but it seemed like forever. Once He returned and before He said another word I felt a flogger being dragged over my back. I shivered as I felt the tails softly glide over me, it felt like twenty-four of the softest most luxurious fingers gently tickling up the center of my spine.
I knew where the night was leading, Master wanted me to beg, and as usual I began that inner struggle with myself to fight. I don't know why I do it, I know that I will end up pleading and saying things, words that I struggle with, words that seem so foreign will suddenly pour from me as if they were the most natural things for me to say.
Master gently continued to glide the flogger over the curve of my ass and all along my spine, making me squirm as much as the restraints allowed me.
Little whimpers and moans began to build, my skin broke out in goose bumps, that need He creates bubbled to the surface and soon it would explode and come spilling out, but this evening the struggle was just as strong, a battle of wills was just beginning, it was going to be a long night.
Minutes clicked away as the flogger tickled and tantalized before I felt Him make His first strike against the back of my thighs. I shivered as the tingle spread out across the sweet spot and made me moan with a heavy desire for more, I was not disappointed. The first five minutes of the flogging went by slowly as He would draw back and let the tails strike with a methodical and sadistic delay between strikes. I bit my bottom lip, fighting to beg for more and to plead for Him to strike harder.
As one moan filled the air it rolled into another as He laid aside the flogger and I felt His fingers playing along the length of my wet pussy lips. Softly running His fingers back and forth, I wanted to wiggle and push back onto His fingers, I craved and even ached to feel them slide deeply inside, I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and fought against the urge, it made me whimper louder.
"What is it pet? Are you needing to ask for something?" My mind was screaming inside my own head. "Yes, I want&hellip." but no sound came forth as I struggled to remain locked in my silence. "Ah, I see. Not ready yet to beg and plead like that little cum slut you can be for me, huh? Well, let's see if I can change that." His fingers were suddenly gone which made me whimper worse than the internal struggle to fight back my pleading. His fingers were replaced with the rough leathery feel of the shaft of the crop as He pressed it between my slick lips and hard throbbing clit.
Gliding it back and forth several times then stopped and flicked my clit with the end of the crop. "Ohhhhhhh." I moaned aloud as I shivered and felt the goose bumps returning and making Him chuckle. "Yes, little one, you are such the pain slut for me, aren't you?" My mind swirled around His words, "Pain slut"…God yes, I am, I am Your pain slut!
My body begged me to let the words out, but my mind was deeply locked into the battle. My mind wasn't ready yet to crumble and let go of the struggle. The beginning of the tears were starting to sting my eyes. The crop, focus, His voice, focus. Let go!
No hold on! The battle wasn't really with Master, it was with myself, why do I do this? The edges of the table were tight against my hips, I could feel them being pushed harder and would surely bruise as I felt Him start to slide inside of me, He intended to use me He said. He held Himself just insidejust the head as His words teased and burned their way into my thoughts, He waited till He heard that whimper of weakening resolve.
Suddenly, He just entered me.
I was already open and certainly well lubricated for Him. Thrusting His hard cock, without slowing He plunged deeply, for His pleasure. No choice. He was big and hard and hot in my cunt. My hips grinding hard against the edge of the table, my own pleasure was ready to explode. "No!" He stopped. "You will not cum, yet." He made me hold it back. He fucked in and out of my body. I realized that I couldn't climax until He would allow me. Making me know my position, that He owned me and everything about me.
I was desperately trying to make my body co-operate, clinging to that unknown need to struggle, holding back not only my own orgasm, but the growing need to beg. He was making me realize that I was His, the realization only made things worse. My body is His and my pleasure is His to grant, and my begging is a right that is and should be only afforded to Him.
My hips were beginning to burn from the pounding I was receiving. They would be covered with bruises but I didn't care, I would wear with them with pride, like a badge of honor to His complete and total control over me, I knew just as I know the sun will rise again tomorrow that before the night was over, I would beg and plead for even more marks. I thought I would lose control but before I did, He withdrew from my dripping cunt and moved to where my head laid over the opposite end of the table, He was down against the floor and I could see His wet hard cock as He stroked it under my face.
I watched as it looked like it jerked in His own hand, then His warm cum erupted and splattered against my face. His breathing was hard, as was mine and in between gasps He said, "Still not ready to give Me what is Mine, little one?" I began to sob, "But Master, I do give You what is Yours." "I want that pleading slut that I own!
I want you to open that throat and beg, cry and plead for what you ache for. Tell me little one, is that ache intense yet?" "Y--yes, Master! The ache is intense!" I cried. "Hm, no I don't think it is, pet, but it will be, it will be soon, of that I promise you!" With that said Master began to untie each of the ropes.
I was helped to stand and told to stay still until my legs were strong enough to hold me up. I was told to gather the things and bring them to our room. I picked up the ropes and crop and flogger and followed Him down the hall.
Once inside the room Master turned to me and gestured towards the bed. I started to step forward but stopped. The glass of water He had me to drink was causing me to pause.
"Master," I began, my face turning a bright red. "May I please have a moment to go to the bathroom?" Master's smile returned to His face, "Of course, pet, you may go pee." I walked towards the adjoining bathroom door, and Master followed.
This was not usual, this was something He had never done before. I am a very private person when it comes to doing certain things, this was one of those things.
I turned and stared at Him. "Master, may I have some privacy, please?" "No! if you need to pee pet, then go. But I will stand here and watch." "Oh my God Master, no! please, I … I can't do this is in front of someone, please!" "Oh but little one, I am NOT just someone, I OWN you, do I not?" "Yes, Sir, but…" "DO NOT ARGUE with Me girl, now go!" Crying, I walked to the toilet and lifted the seat.
I stared at it as if it were some new torture devise that I loathed. Tears spilled over my cheeks as I closed my eyes tightly shut, a small sob escaped and I turned again to ask, but this time I would ask for mercy…I wasn't allowed to even form the words. "DO IT!" My eyes widened, another sob, a whispered, "please Sir." "Little one, you WILL DO as you are TOLD!
Now if you do not sit down this minute and piss, I can assure you I can add to this and really show you what humility is! NOW GO!" Again, I shook my head and whispered as the tears ran freely, "I can't." Master inhaled deeply, I could see Him clinching His teeth. His hands came out and grabbed my shoulders and He guided me backwards towards the toilet, and making me stand over it with my legs spread wide, "Ok, since you refuse to sit down and pee, you can squat." He pushed downward on my shoulders making me bend my knees till I was squatting over the toilet seat.
"Now, little one, take your hands and spread yourself open and pee." I cried and sobbed as I half stood, half squatted hovering over the open toilet. My fingers trembled as I pulled back on each of my pussy lips, exposing myself to His watchful gaze.
Master stepped back and leaned His shoulder against the wall. "I am waiting little one!" "I…I…oh God, please Sir!, I can't!" I sobbed.
"Who owns you?" "You do, Sir." "Then GO!" "I can't!" "When I hear can't I hear I won't. Are you telling me you refuse to obey Me?" "No, no, no Sir! I&hellip.I do obey You, but this…this, is so…" "So, what, love?
So private?" "YES!" "So you're telling Me you are going to hide something that belongs to Me?" "No Sir, I don't wish to hide anything from You---but…" "No buts, if you do not wish to hide what is Mine, then you will do as you are told and you will go pee, and DO so NOW!" We went back and forth with this argument for several minutes.
I was in tears, I felt embarrassed, humiliated, and yet as much as I still hate to admit this, I felt exhilarated and so completely and totally owned. By the time I finally let go and peed in front of my Master, I was sobbing uncontrollably and shaking from head to toe. But I did finally go as I had been ordered, but the fight I had put up came at a cost.
"Clean yourself up little one, and join Me in our room." He said flatly and more than a little annoyed. I cried and sobbed as I cleaned myself up and rejoined Him in our room. I knew that I had pushed things so I knew better then to just reenter the room and stand there. I walked towards Him sitting in the chair, and instantly knelt, hanging my head in shame.
The long silence is always the worst part, a submissive's mind goes everywhere, contemplating fate and the many things one's Master might do to correct the situation. Often those thoughts are much worse then what is actually going to take place. "Little one." He finally said breaking the long agonizing silence and making me jump just slightly. "What are we to do here to correct this problem?" Whispering, "I don't know Sir." "Hm, I see.
Well, let's see how far you will go to make it up to Me your refusal to comply with My order. Now get up on the bed, center yourself, place pillows behind you so you can sit comfortably with your back against the headboard. You will take your fingers and hold yourself open, and I will sit and watch you play. You will play for me, little one. You will show me how you play with yourself when you treat yourself like the slut you are when you think of Me. You will NOT cum without asking, without begging, you will NOT stop playing until I either stop you or give you permission.
You will follow each and every order I may give you, which I still have yet to decide if I want to grant you that much direction. I may or may not…you have tried to deny Me tonight, so I might just deny you of My voice." I looked at Him in disbelief. He was going to watch me, watch and see how much of a slut I can be. No one has ever seen me masturbate before…I felt like I had been restrung with rubber bands inside. I slowly arose to get up on the bed, Master moved the chair so He could see better, the crop laid across His lap.
I knew without being told that if I slowed my fingers or anything I needed to do to show Him what He desired to see that I would feel that crop to remind me to continue. On the bed I arranged the pillows so I was comfortable. Toys were laid out and I was allowed to use any or all required to reach His desired results. I shivered as I looked into His stern eyes and saw how tightly He had set His jaw. I leaned back and opened my legs as wide as they would go, with one hand I parted my lips, and I felt a hot rush raising the color of my cheeks knowing He could see how wet I already was.
My face burned, I was so embarrassed, told to play in front of Him. How could I do this? How could I show Him how I …used myself in private? With my legs spread open, I had to have looked obscene.
I wanted to sob, to beg Him, but not in the way He wanted, I wanted to beg Him to not make me do this. My fingers moved slowly to my own opening, wetting my fingers and bringing that wetness to my own clit. I stopped after barely touching it, I looked into His eyes. A look passed between us, a recognition in each other's eyes. He was Master, and I was His. We both knew in that glance that I needed to do this for Him. He needed me to show Him that I knew my place as His, and I needed this to show Him that I knew He owned everything about me.
The excitement of displaying myself to Him grew intensely in that moment. I was spread open and putting myself on exhibit for His pleasure. The thrill of Him seeing how much of a slut I wanted to be for Him was almost overwhelming, as my fingers rubbed hard against my clit.
Master's cock began to come to life again, it was hardening and I watched Him stroke Himself as He watched between my fingers and the smoldering look growing in my eyes.
Already my desire had grown to an explosive high, I was about to begin to ask to cum when I heard Him say stop. "Stop, little one. Take a breath, hold back and don't cum." I stopped and closed my eyes concentrating hard on evening out my breathing and maintaining control.
"Got control?" He asked. I nodded, "yes, Sir, under control." "Good girl." He started with a softer voice, the harshness disappearing. "Now, begin again, but this time pick up your bullet and turn it on low, place it against your clit and slide two fingers inside that wet cunt nice and deep." The hum of the bullet cut into the silence of the room, my fingers slid inside so easily and so deep.
I began to stoke them in and out… "Add a third finger, pet." The third finger didn't slid inside as easily as the first two had, but I felt myself opening up. I moaned as I felt my wetness leaking out as it tickled downward towards my ass. In and out, over my g-spot, the constant buzz humming against my clit, the knowledge He was watching… God I wanted to cum.
"Please…" I whispered, "please, Master, may I cum?" "Control it if you can, love and add another finger." Four fingers, I groaned as my pussy tried to stretch. :Please!" I said with a little more urgency. His breathing had changed as much as mine had, but He hadn't given the permission needed. My legs began to shake, "Ok, little one, tuck your thumb against the rest, push and cum to me." Tucking my thumb against the other four fingers I was fucking into my own cunt, I felt a burning as I stretched open and accepted it inside.
I came hard as I felt His hand covering mine. Listening to His voice telling me to twist and grind and push. He wanted me to open up…He said… "Open that pussy up for Me, fuck that hand baby, come on, show Me that slut I love so much!" I groaned as I felt His hand covering mine, helping me to push my own hand deeper, forcing my pussy to accept the hand it wanted to swallow up.
His other hand slipped under my rear end and raised me up a little, bending my legs upwards towards my hips and waist, causing the angle of my body to change, my hand popped as it went inside my clinching cunt.
Still holding me up with one hand, Master removed His other hand He had used to help me and picked up something from the bed. I was already beginning to beg and plead for Him to fuck me, and I was growing increasingly incoherent, when I felt the tip of the medium size anal plug being pushed against the opening of my ass.
I continued to cum as the plug slid home fast and hard, Usually He slides the plug in and leaves it, but this time He continued to fuck me with it as I came so hard I coated the insides of both legs. He helped me to remove my hand and then the plug and in one swift thrust Master was deep inside my open ass and I was pleading and begging. "Yes, please Master, please fuck Your slut's ass hard and fast!" Master groaned so hard I felt it throughout my entire body. I was still holding my legs up and He told me to spread them open again.
He withdrew almost all the way out of my ass just leaving the tip of His cock inside when I felt His fingers playing with my clit. Rubbing and pinching I kept cumming until I was screaming. "Yes, baby, that's it, open that throat and give Me those screams." Finally I felt Master slide inside again, so deep and He held Himself there as His cum filled my ass.
Once Master withdrew from me, I was exhausted and all I knew was His voice. My mind had gone to that special place where nothing else exists. His kisses, His caresses, His arms wrapping me tightly and holding me close, that is my world, that is all I ever need to know.