Je tire sur ma queue

Je tire sur ma queue
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Training Desmond Desmond woke.


His head ached. More than ached. It was as if the Halle Orchestra was tuning up inside it and using his head for a kettle drum. Desmond woke and gradually became aware of his situation. His legs were cold.

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He was lying on something very hard. He was outside. The grey light of morning. Rain clouds overhead. A train was coming. He was lying on something hard. It was vibrating. Desmond's thoughts merged. His balls hurt. He sat up and agony ripped through him. He lay down again. His balls hurt. He couldn't see his balls. He explored with his hands. His balls were bleeding.

They were fixed to something. A train was coming.

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He was lying on a railway track and a train was coming. He fainted. "Missed the bastard," Ted Rogers sighed as Desmond fainted at the last second and the 350 horsepower diesel shunting locomotive passed harmlessly over Desmond for the third time.

"Oh well, next time may be?" Al suggested to Ted as he stood behind him in the cab. Al kept an eye on Desmond as Ted opened her up for the climb to Hartly Main Colliery and the old coal wagons thundered harmlessly over Desmond's supine body. Desmond woke again.

This time his mind worked overtime.


He was lying on a railway track. He had no trousers on, and his balls were nailed to a sleeper with six inch nails. Actually he was wrong, they had used knitting needles as six inch nails were not long enough but basically you get the picture.

Desmond tried to sit up but the pain defeated him. He looked round. A tripod with a tablet on it. Filming. He remembered the trial. He still couldn't believe he was found not guilty. Now he understood.

"You all reet Pedo?" someone asked. He looked round, "Up here Pedo," a girl shouted. He tried to crane his neck, they were standing on a bridge watching. All the little boys. And not so little boys. The ones he had taken camping with the boy scout troop. The ones who he kept warm when they cried.

"Train's coming mate, I should fuck off if I was you." someone shouted helpfully. He recognised the foreman of the Jury laughing. The court usher, his own lawyer, three uniformed policemen. "Ashley Muppet, Tyne and Wear TV, do you have any last words?" a reporter shouted.


"Yeah got any last words Pedo, trains coming." Trevor 'Michael' Kane shouted as he necked another can of John Smiths. Desmond stared. The track was vibrating. No it could not be! Ted had the throttle well over as the 60 year old class 08 diesel rocked and rolled on the worn out track. It was doing at least 25 miles an hour, 10 faster than it was supposed to go as it swung round the curve and Desmond caught sight of it.

"It's fucking amazing," Al observed, "We been over that cunt what three times?" "Three times," Ted agreed. "And han't done fuck all. Now the dopey cunt is awake he han't got fucking sense to lie down." Desmond was not thinking straight, he tried pulling the needles out. The pain was unbearable. He looked for something, anything. All he saw was hatred. A bridge wall lined with people who hated him. He almost lay down and died, but a selfish streak led him to try to preserve his miserable perverted life a bit longer and with a superhuman effort he flung himself off the tracks and away from the train.

"Whooo yes!" someone shouted.

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The train swept majestically over Desmonds balls which remained skewered to the railway track. Desmond looked at the bloody mess that had been his balls.

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His cock skin was mostly missing as was his testicles. He fainted. Again. "Yes!" the cheer went up.

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Ernie White walked up to where Desmond lay. He was in charge of the track which the Hartley Main Colliery Railway Preservation Society used. He checked for damage, but apart from three knitting needles through a sleeper and two skewered testicles it was fine. "Help me!" Desmond whined as he saw Ernie approach. "Does thee want something for t'pain?" Ernie asked, "Knock thee out like?" "Please," Desmond asked, so Ernie nutted him with the 14 pound sledge hammer he carried for bashing in rail wedges.

'Whack' it hit him just above the left ear. A chunk of skull the size of a biscuit tin caved in and Desmond fainted again. Ted stopped the old diesel and set back to speak to Ernie. Ernie hopped lightly onto the footsteps in a way that belied his eighty years, "All reet." he shouted. "What about the Pedo?" Ted shouted. "Handy meal for the foxes!" Ernie grinned. He hated Pedos. As it happened Desmond off lightly. Ahmed was not so lucky. He had been a naughty boy. He had been part of the Northern pedo ring with his brother and cousins.

Ahmed was the first to be let out of the preservation Societies Cattle wagon that Seven Group Security used as a holding cell. Seven had just sent a press release stating the prisoners had escaped, which was stretching things a bit was Ahmed wanted to get back in the wagon as he found it embarrassing to be seen clean shaven.

Not a stray hair remained on his immaculately shaved cock as he was dragged along past the jeering crowd. His beard was gone to and a huge hole cut in his fancy robe so his cock was on show.

"Reet a bit of justice Yorkshire style," Archie Ramsbottom head shunter at Colliery sidings said. He looked smart in a replica LMS uniform. At eighty he was too young to have worked for the LMS but he looked the part.

Andy and Rob Braithwaite brought Ahmed along by the Collier's platform where the crowd at the bridge had now assembled.

Sam Bridgeman the Stationmaster turned to address the crowd. "Like the old justice," he said, "On me right we got a class 14 Diesel Hydraulic what we calls a Teddy Bear and on me left we got the Gronk a class 08 Diesel electric, so its Teddy Bear Versus Gronk." The crowd looked completely confused.

"What's that to do wi Pedos?" someone asked. "Science," Sam said, "Now you seen films wi Buster Keaton holding trains together wi his bare hands?" As it happened nobody had. "Well we're going to prove that were bollocks," he explained.

"Cause we're going to ask these nice Pedos to demonstrate." Ahmed screamed into his ball gag, well it was a piece of oily rag held with bailer string but it did the job. Andy pushed Ahmed towards the class 08. He lifted Ahmed's hand cuffed hands up and looped the chain between cuffs around the coupling hook. Next Rob cuffed Ahmed's feet. Andy had to smack Ahmed around the jaw a couple of times to stop him kicking, but as soon as it was done they lifted Ahmed's feet and looped the chain on the other handcuffs over the class 14's hook leaving Ahmed suspended between the locomotives like a human coupling chain.

Geordie Graham was on the class 14. the whole loco shook as he started the 600 horsepower diesel motor. "Take the strain," Sam shouted and Ahmed screamed as the cuffs bit into his wrists and ankles as his body began to take the strain as one fifty ton locomotive tried to tow another fifty ton loco using Ahmed as a rope.

To be continued.